I Hate Driving in Pittsburgh

Whoever planned the roads in Pittsburgh (and all its townships, boroughs, municipalities etc.) must have been a subscriber to the life philosophy "Long Hair, Don't Care." One of my parents' friends described it as boiling a big bowl of spaghetti, dumping it on the ground and there you have the roads in Pittsburgh. They're pig trails, which are great if you're, you know, a pig. Or a deer. Or another animal. But if you're attempting to maneuver hundreds of pounds of metal around these pig trails, it's terrifying.

For example, logic would lead you to say that if you're driving down a road, if you continue going straight, you're going to be on the same road. Joke's on you, because the road turned to the left about a half mile ago and you're on something completely different. And now you're stuck.

I think compounding the problem is the fact that my built-in navigation system is six-years-old, same as my car. I didn't think having a six-year-old GPS was a big deal, but apparently GPS years are like dog years or something. Driving with my GPS is like driving with an 80-year-old woman with Alzheimer's. Who's also drunk. I tried to find Wal-Mart today and it told me the closest one was in Indiana. Then I tried to get to the bank and it told me to merge left to get on the 22 E. There is no 22 E. So I'm having a minor freak out attack, trying to eat a sandwich and my GPS is telling me to make a u-turn in the middle of an interstate.

And that is my driving experience in a nutshell.

This is the Allegheny County belt system, which was developed in case the Russians bomb us to help make traffic less congested. It hasn't helped much.